A lot of different things have been coming to a head lately and it’s bringing up all these different emotions. These last couple of weeks I’ve been preparing to move and it’s been stressful. My oldest daughter and I haven’t exactly been getting along and she doesn’t really care to help out much in the way of cleaning. It’s frustrating because I’m limited on what I can do and I need help. If I don’t get help from her than I have to ask other people and I hate asking for help. I do not like being beholden to other people. It’s also been difficult to find a place on such short notice so it looks like I’ll be moving in with some friends for the time being while I keep looking for a place for Lakota and I. The environment and support I’ll get there is going to be a million times better but it worries me all the same. I don’t want to be a burden on anyone.
On top of that my weight loss has stalled. Granted I’ve not been working out as much as I had been before our trainers had to leave the gym we worked out at. But it’s still frustrating that I’m eating all the right things and I’m still exercising a few days a week and nothing is happening on the weight loss front. Sometimes I struggle with feeling like I really can’t do this. It makes me want to give up and give in to my temptations for sugary, carb loaded foods. To be honest, and I hope not too depressing, sometimes I wonder if this is all worth it. Giving up certain foods and exercising everyday that is. Sometimes it can be quite painful and my body aches because I’m using muscles I’ve not used in a long time. I get frustrated with my limitations and I try to push myself to do more than I can and then get angry with myself when I can’t.
I don’t know what keeps pushing me forward on those days when I want to give up. I suppose it’s the great support system I have, finally. I can tell you that having friends that can talk you off the “ledge” makes all the difference in the world. They refuse to let me give up and having someone I can, finally, count on to be there is the best gift I’ve ever received. I’m also desperate to get out of my wheelchair. I’ve made a lot of progress lately but I’m not quite out of it yet. I want to be done with it so badly and I know if I give in to my urges to quit that I will never get out of it. I can’t allow that to happen. One thing I do know is this: if I can keep going, I who am a 49 year old lady in a wheelchair, than you most certainly can. Don’t give in to your urges because you are stronger than your urges to be unhealthy or to give up. Keep fighting!